It is almost ridiculous that I have written so much and yet I am scarcely at the beginning. And time... time is pitiless because in reality I am approaching the end with uncontrollable speed... which I cherish and resist at the same time. The truth is I am exhausted... I am afraid this weariness cannot be hushed up with a night of comforting sleep. Coming here directly from France... without time for contemplation of what I have done and learnt... without time to acknowledge the new ‘French’ part of me which fiercely fought its way through the ground and awkwardly bloomed into still-grammatically-incorrect-but-nevertheless-ready-to-speak flower... was a good idea, bad timing. I feel as if my brain was about to explode... as if I was about to break down the moment another information conquers the barricades of my senses and finds its way to the brain.
This was a challenging year which made me feel, for the first time in my life, as an adult person, no longer a child (I still haven’t decided whether that is good or bad)... I think I overestimated myself in committing the next step without letting the previous lesson to soak in. Please do not think this means I am unhappy, unsatisfied or distressed... none of that nonsense. What worries me is the fact that I am not quite able to jump into it and let the current take wherever it pleases. Being open to adventures, explorations, contradiction of ideas... that is the fundamental element of ... whatever I do. Frankly, I find it quite difficult to let myself go this time. I enjoy my time in Shanghai
***
This previous two paragraphs were meant to describe in most thorough simplicity that lately I have been feeling a little.... cranky.
(Thus, I might be little more open to criticism than normally and I am afraid my vision of Chinese culture has been slightly compromised. Therefore, forgive if here and there I will get into passionate discourse about insignificant details.)
But let’s go back to work... literally!
My training took about three days... although the first one was the worst... fortunately the day after, Mariana, the other new intern, joined me in my eternal suffering and future seemed a little brighter. I dare to say, she became the most important person of my brief encounter with China
I know, I know... I should appreciate I received any training at all since I was told we were the first to get a proper one. All the poor souls before us were pretty much thrown to the wolves. Though, to be honest, I would prefer that because being lectured on all those details of teaching only made me uncomfortably aware of things I would otherwise do naturally... (Those, when actually thought of seemed impossible to achieve).
Playing a demo class with my boss was not my cup of coffee my friends, not at all!
Too stressful!
So, though a little nervous, I felt relieved when I was about to teach my first class. Knowing that the person on the other side of the line is going to be hundred times more scared then I could ever be gave me the sense of responsibility I desperately needed to put my act together.
And so it went...
One by one, meaningless names on my schedule gained voices... the voices gave names their personalities... those personalities sparked flickering light of passion and commitment inside me. More I taught less I cared about outlines and structures.... outlines and structures did not know my students as I did. So I let them speak...
Our company offered set of classes that were carried out either in 15 or 20 minute blocks on days and intervals according to students’ preferences. These blocks could have been turned into double classes of 30 or 40 minutes. We offered courses for school grades, conversations, discussions, business English and many others... The person on the other line could be a lawyer, engineer, student, housewife as well as nine year old child. It is from them I learned the most about China
I must admit I was quite sceptical at first about online teaching but it is not such a bad idea. After all, we live in a very busy world... to have at least fifteen minute conversation with a native speaker every day can make hell of a difference... online teaching in combination with classic lessons... that could make a person speak fluently in a year! (But I will take the liberty of keeping the ideas to myself in case Mariana and I decide to build a world-changing multi-billion business in the futureJ)
Some students were unbelievably good, others struggled but all of them were quite eager to learn. (except one little twelve year old boy who decided to make my life miserable by answering all my questions by simple and painfully short YES or NO... which would not be so bad if he wouldn’t be so bloody good in English.. but I managed... I don’t know how but I did).
At the end of each class we were supposed to fill in so called daily report with major corrections and remarks... at first I found it impossible to type it while still taking active part in the class but as time went by... I found myself asking, listening, typing, surfing the net for more accurate information, exchanging messages on internal office chat and enjoying my coffee at the same time without great effort. Most of the classes felt like calling a friend.
My students liked me and said to me often that I was a great teacher. Flattering indeed but I wasn’t so sure it was true... you know my teaching was... not very structured... it was more about going with the flow... every student had its pace and style... weakness and strength... I liked letting them fall into topics they were passionate about because being concerned more about the idea gave them courage to take risks and try to say words and sentences so far unspoken... (Even though it sometimes meant changing the subject all together it was worth it... I mean, as a new teacher I was being checked on everyday so if anyone had problem with it I would be told very quickly... since no one ever said a word to me about it... I did my thing).
The second part of my work description was program creation. During First two weeks, I was working on sample classes for children and adult programs as to blow the cover and expose my secret talents. Cornelia really liked my suggestions for adult programs and was about to let me continue working on renovation of Power Talking Program when she realized that I in fact study in UK
This was the magical moment where all my theoretically useless knowledge of Britain
The program was called Study Abroad: United Kingdom and was to be created as a supplementary program complementing already existing class focused on preparing aspiring international students for the speaking part of British IELTS test. It was to familiarize people with British culture and student life (Personal comment: MWAHAHAHAHAH)
Thus I happened to be in custody of this little tiny program in its infancy. It was time to get rid of the diaper and start potty training! Cornelia gave me list of topics they already thought of marking those few that were already written and asked me to think of some new ones because they needed 60 and had only around 35... I scanned the topics and evil grinned spread on my innocent face like plague. I was going to nail this thing!
The topics they thought of were all excellent, however all of them where topics about Britain thought of by British people... and trust me, there is much more to your culture than you realize that might seem awesome, funny, strange or annoying... all those things I complained or laughed about, criticised and embraced...
I had the list of topics finalised by the end of the day and the program written and completed in three weeks. Towards the end I suggested we could add a part with most used English idioms, clichés and phrasal verbs (one tagging along each lesson) accompanied by a cartoon picturing the phrase in a fun way which would make easier to remember them... Cornelia loved the idea... I offered I could draw then as I believe to posses some sort of an artistic talent in this areas as well... so in this couple weeks to come I will be getting miserable pay for drawing cartoons and teaching or (as I prefer to call it) talking to people.
As you can see I really love the job. However, I came into crystal clear conclusion that I could never ever have an office job and for that I am eternally grateful I came here and saw it for myself... I couldn’t do it... even if I would like the job because... office job is an energy sucking, creativity killing beast. All the work I have done for the company I would be able to do in half the time... of course they don’t know that... they think I am fast (because they don’t know me).
Half of those days I was cursing each minute I had to sit by that computer... also because I (as well as the others) came to notice all that did not work within the walls of this office. (I could write another three pages about what they do wrong and what will bring them down if they don’t change... In fact, I feel Cornelia is the only person who kept the place going. Without her it would crumble before our dear CEO would even noticed...) but I don’t want to talk about it. Not now... Not when I finally overcame my rage against human greed and... well... stupidity and settled into quiet stage of apathy towards all that... I had my share of work and I gave it all I could, although I felt, with a different motivation I could have given much more... all of us could.
It is a mystery to me how people continue chasing after money when the simplest way to get rich is forget all about it and do your job well.
So, if you ask me if I recommend this internship, I would say I recommend AN internship... not this one though...
Just for information: Teaching English in China
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