Before I go any further with description of my encounter with Chinese culture, I presume it is necessary to address few rather significant details of my internship and some other (more-or-less important) issues which I have come to understand after four weeks in this company. I believe it is high time to do so, since it will all be over in less than four weeks. Simply put, I need to write about it before I lose the interest to discuss it at all.
As I mentioned before, the first night I was foolish enough to fall asleep at very, very wrong time and continue sleeping and waking according to central-European time zone (or whatever it is called). In any case this resulted in me going to work for the first time with barely three hours of light sleep and with my neglected body desperately screaming BATTERY LOW...
I woke up way before my phone even realized there was something like and Alarm clock app in the deepest corners of its software. Subtle tension was tightening its grip inside my chest... I knew it far too well to be pleased by its reappearance even after such a long time. This feeling was unpleasant but not strong enough to throw me off balance... that could mean only one thing: All will go well but at some point of the day I will lose it and freak out a little and I won’t be happy about it (And that is exactly what happened, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves). So, I got dressed (gave myself a little power talk and a hug) and took off on the legendary journey of peril and adventure: Office job.
I took a bus drowning in paranoia as to get off at the right bus stop which, fortunately, I managed without trouble... then one adrenalin survival-of-the-fittest type of experience (alias crossing the road) and there I was! When elevator took me to the 17th floor, it was still half an hour before I was supposed to show up... oh well... I was there alive so, I did not really give a damn.
I am not quite sure why I was so stressed in that moment. You see, I knew exactly how it would happen because the story always unfolds that way… This week was going to be the toughest nut in the bowl but I knew I will manage if not even become insanely good at it (this is not being conceited but rather a matter of experience and sadly unforgiving pride- do not be afraid though; this mean personality trait tends to manifest itself and be unforgiving only towards me). So, you see, I would never forgive myself if I have not done my best… or at least (in case of laziness winning over pride) what others assume is my best because it is acceptable according to their personal standards. This would grant me the freedom from other people’s expectations but never from mine. Sometimes I wish I would be able to give myself a break… (Which I don’t really want but in time of crisis like the beginning of my Shanghai affair, I wish for it almost angrily).
Therefore, while seated in the waiting room, I had a disturbing inner fight which went pretty much like this:
Why on earth do I do this to myself?
Why do I have to be so bloody stubborn???
I could have been at home enjoying dolce-far-niente. It would make my parents happy to have me around for some time. I could spend couple weeks on the beach drinking mojitos, sun tanning, and reading… have fun and enjoy the care-free unfulfilled life.
But no! Noooooo…. I have to always come up with something to make my life more difficult….
I am in Shanghai about to teach English online… I don’t like big cities, I dislike extremely hot weather (that comes buy-one-get-one-free style with mosquitoes) and I hate being on the phone with people I have never met!
Seriously?
What was I thinking???
I know, I know… This is what I want… spending the whole summer doing nothing (because I always end up doing nothing if I suffer from massive excess of free time…) … I would hate it.
I love challenges!
I love overcoming myself!
I love to dare!
I always do things I am most afraid of… to get rid of that fear once and for all…
I need this! I want to be here!
I know that if I was asked: Do you want to leave now? I would say no, without slightest hesitation! … blah blah blah blah…
BLAH!
I want my bed back!
I want decent coffee
I want people who speak my language! (At least one of them…)
I need a break!
In that moment, Cornelia, my direct supervisor to be, entered the room drastically pulling me out from tricky labyrinth of arguments within me. I was so startled that I did not even shake her hand… How wrong is that?
I am a mess.
However it may be, having a live English-speaking person beside me helped a bit. I took an instant liking to her. She was the kind of person I would respect as a boss which was an indispensable part of my motivation. Of course, my notorious pride would pressure me to do well for any kind of boss… but well is way beyond what I am capable of if I sincerely try… I think…
Anyway, the point is I would work for her; I would work for her more than well. (Plus, I adored her British accent. It was one of the most pleasant I have ever heard and trust me I’ve heard many…). Her voice was very soothing and soon the crazy amount of information channeled to my brain hushed up the relentless noise of my inner fights.
Plan for the day:
1.) Introduction to my place of retreat, my own little cubicle in this big and scary world
2.) Introduction to computer programs I will be most likely to use throughout the short period of my stay (which at that point seemed rather everlasting)… hmmm… the fact that vast majority of those programs were in Chinese did not make me feel any better.
3.) Introduction to:
- Tina, a woman from India who came to Shanghai two or three years ago, when the company was barely in its dippers, had a hell of an experience (here the word hell is bit more accurate than it should have been) and work her way up from an intern to teaching quality analyst. Although, it puzzled me what was she still doing there? Tina had two master degrees with one in English teaching and second in computer science… she could do much better for this job required a bit too much and was giving too little in return (but about that later). Tina was the sort of pleasant, polite and nice person… and a little strict, after all, she was the one in charge of my training…
- Ann was a tiny girl from Philippines (my age or, I suspect, older since size usually makes people look so much younger- my older sister being perfect living example). Ann was a full time teacher and sort of a supervisor at times because she was with the company longest (apart from Cornelia and Tina, of course)
And other fellow interns:
- Jesslyn, a girl from California but of Chinese origin who came to Shanghai to fill up her gap year with experience. She was in the company since September and also spoke Chinese quite well. I liked her and from what I observed she had a type of personality that one could simply call cute. Although we’ve never become very close. She left back to US last week.
- Jason, a boy from USA. I am not quite sure from what state exactly was he but then we never got to talk much as he was a peculiar and to me strangely foreign kind of personality. Moreover, he left two weeks after my arrival. I signed his goodbye card with neutral: It was nice meeting you and good luck…
- Trey, a boy from London about whom I thought instantly that he is my kind of person just by one brief exchange of glances… Later, I was allowed to confirm my suspicion when we met by chance one morning on our way to work. That was the first time I walked there by foot and assumed that avoiding the bus will be good for my inner well being… anyway, in due course Mariana, Troy and I became partners in crime or, more accurately put, in crazy conversations and Shanghai-Indian adventures…
And few members of Chinese staff:
- Rey… this guy could not speak much English, but I swear there was not a technical problem on this Earth he could not solve within 5 minutes (or, in case there was some hardware missing, maximum few hours, only because he lost time when he went to buy it)… his brain was and still is absolutely fascinating to me. Some people say I am smart… which I don’t deny completely but you see I come from a family full of mathematicians, chemists, engineers, accountants, managers and all kinds of other scientific sciences and numeric numbers… so, although ice-breakers, my free-spirited traveling, language, literature, history, social dynamics, art, and, writing concerns… they never let me feel particularly smart… I have always been insanely curious how would it feel to have that kind of brain power (Though, I still sinisterly enjoy being struggling artist… this is purely professional curiosity!)
- Jessica, a young, fragile-looking girl who worked at the reception. I have only one word for her: sweet (and, personally, I have never thought there really is a person in this world I would describe this way…). A little miss sunshine… I am not being ironic… she truly was this type of person… so innocent you longed to protect her from this big, big world.
- Denise… she was our CEO. She was warm and welcoming from the very beginning or at least she tried. There was something I did not like about her… it was her smile… I believe it was the eyes that betrayed her beaming face. Don’t worry, she wasn’t evil… at least not completely… but her business spirit was already deprived of innocence.
4.) Introduction to the office environment (translation and bilingual teachers departments, native speaking teachers part of the office and marketing department of which I only remember blank faces, buzz of computers and sneaky clicks of the keyboard)… then, location of the restrooms and, most importantly, locations of restaurants and coffee shops in the neighborhood which were, of course, a vital part of office experience! COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! (Yes, I am normal and no, I am not addicted!)
5.) Further exploration of computer and its useful programs which were still swarming in picturesque cruelty of Chinese characters…
6.) Lunch break (with Ann)
7.) Training!
This was one of the most stressful experiences I ever had. When Tina handed me the gigantic booklet with detailed teaching instructions of every single course they had, my desperate expression pretty much said it all. I felt grateful that I was about to receive at least some training because as Tina told me before, when she got to Shanghai and this company two years ago… she was thrown right into the deepest waters of a schedule packed with 30 classes a day… But I dare to say I would prefer that… you see my intuition saves me where my brain looses simply because of unnecessary and exaggerated analysis! When I teach, I know exactly what to do as if I have done it for all my life. But seeing those pages and pages of information combining common sense with strict and scary structures and rules… (later I would come to relieved realization that the only thing I needed was the common sense… thank god!). Well… At least one thing I know, teaching grants me pleasant feeling of satisfaction
8.) They let me off couple hours earlier (at 5pm) as it was my very first day…
9.) Coma… Initially, this was not part of the company’s plan (I hope not)… but I thought it rather appropriate to add it to the list because when I got out of that building the only thing that saved me was deep breaths… in and out… one after another… with combination of inner but nevertheless worthy interpretation of Dory’s famous song: Just keep swimming… just keep swimming… Arriving to my room I wrote message to my parents and Katarina that I had no energy to fulfill my Skype related obligations that day… and I passed out. Again! Thirteen blissful hours of heavy sleep, my friends… Thirteen!
When I woke up the next morning, the tension dissolved in unexpected anticipation… Oh, I was back in the moment…. Today… I could start to play the real game.
