‘Wish me luck.’ I smiled nervously.
‘Well, that’s the only thing I can do. You jumped, now swim.’ He replied resolutely and embraced me in a firm hug.
‘I know that, don’t worry...’ I murmured as we held each other for a moment ignoring the hustle around us.
‘I have to go now...’he released me and sighed, ‘Take care and don’t forget to call.’ giving me one last kiss on the cheek and reassuringly squeezing my shoulder, he headed towards the door.
‘See you in August...’ I said as I watched my dad walk away but the words have never reached him, dissolving almost instantly in bubbling noise of morning rush hour at Viennese airport.
So, there I was again, sitting on a bench surrounded by suitcases and pretending to study the departure board a little bit too intensely. In twenty four hours from now I will be in Shanghai, I thought to myself... yet this idea did not make me nervous or apprehensive at all. I was about to travel and work in a country of which language I don’t speak at all, of which culture is (to a certain extend) alien to me, of which I knew nothing but few fragments of superficial knowledge... in a country where I knew no one and yet I wasn’t nervous, I wasn’t afraid, I wasn’t scared at all... I sat there, calmly waiting for my flight to Moscow appear on the board.
I started to play with the idea of going for an internship in early September, just after my arrival in France. I started to realize that despite of my travelling all my experience (speaking in CV related terms) was purely of an educational character rather than practical. My approaching graduation was smiling at me from the distance and I thought this might the time to start thinking ahead. The truth was that I was going to graduate in couple years from a degree that made me suitable for everything and nothing and for which I did not particularly care about. All I wanted from it was to learn French and Italian, to BE in Scotland... to continue my disorganized research of human nature and this logically chaotic world. I got what I wanted... but sadly we live in a society obsessed with identity cards, certificates, diplomas and all the other different kinds of non recyclable paper which tells the world the truth it wants to hear and which very easily transformed into statistics.
Well, I have a few very lovely ideas about my life which I would like to transform into reality and, so far, I believe I am doing quite well. In any case, a view of a struggling artist spending his tragic existence in desperate fight against whatever it is he or she is against, does not appeal to me. I rather associate myself (although in much more abstract form) with an image of super intelligent and genius ‘villain’ who seems to be respectful member of the society while through his secret life, he defies its laws, and rebels in the most refined manner. There is no point running with your head against the wall... after all the greatest conquests were never achieved with force. So, going around talking and arguing with people to prove my point is not really my thing... it’s a waste of time. We all believe in different things and nurture different values... there was never written in stone any of them are false, because the only non-relative fact is that everything IS RELATIVE.
You don’t have to share my beliefs. If what you do makes you happy, fulfilled and hurts no one in a terrible way... then you are heading in the right direction and I am happy for you. As for me, I will take the liberty of not saying anything on behalf on my envisioned personal sci-fi story... mainly because all my arguments are still far from being factual and without facts I am building my life on a shaky hypothesis... but I will take the risk. Now is the high time to get back to my Shanghai story before I bore you to death! Where was I?
Well, I was in need of working experience for personal and professional reasons, so I started my research formerly looking for a nice paid internship in Scotland (after all I fell for the country with its crooked story-telling streets, lovely accent, men in kilts and other monsters...) but soon I realised that no such thing is going to happen, since many British companies have fallen into a bad habit of making you pay for your work. Given that I had no hidden vault full of diamonds in Gringotts Bank, I had to start to look elsewhere. As the fate had it, I came across this one by accident or, to be more accurate, out of pure curiosity. And then, I saw it.... an internship in a Chinese company offering language solutions, involving teaching, editing, proofreading with possibility to contribute to course structure, in Shanghai, reserved only for English native speakers. Almost impossible! Awesome!
So, I rewrote my old CV completely... gave it some form and style, updated old information and produced the best motivation letter I ever wrote (it was my first one but still, I deserve some creditJ). I filled out the application and sent the e-mail... From that moment on all took up an unstoppable speed. The agency sent my profile to the company who contacted them, saying they are interested in me and thus the agency sat up an interview via Skype. I was very ill, since a bacteria decided to build Hollywood size mansion in my throat at the time, so I was inevitably under the influence of extremely strong antibiotic. In practice, it would knock me out for the most part of the day making me a sleeping beauty... or, let’s be honest, rather a fluffy, puffy dead-white beast. Due to that unfortunate fact I do not recall much from my interview, only that it took place at 3 am my time, I woke up and probably said something smart and to the point because two days later I received an e-mail announcing my acceptance.
Since then, I went through feelings of complete terror to total apathy... recreating in my head scenarios of absolute success as well as not so happily ending scenarios of me being unknowingly used by mafia to smuggle drugs and being caught and imprisoned for life... but I got through this drill as always. I cannot stop my brain from doing this to me... exploring every possibility where my imagination plays its part to scare me to death with all the lively details. Most importantly, this whole issue grew into a whole new dimension when I realised that this was the best thing I could ever decide on, even though I wasn’t so sure of it at the beginning. Not because of the professional experience, but for the desperate need to retrieve my balance, to gain a new perspective on my life and what to do with it next. I have only one chance and I want to do it right. There is nothing more exciting than being forced to concentrate on the present moment with every inch of your body... to be able to perceive, breathe in, accept and embrace so far unseen, so far unexplored environment. It saves us from falling into trap of pettiness and all those little trivial problems we sometimes treat as a matter of life and death.
Thus, I sat there, tired but calm, reading my book, keeping an eye on departure board, ignoring the crowds hassling around me and passing by in hurry.
Passengers travelling to Moscow, flight SU 242, you may now proceed to check in at counters 88-89 please...
